Let me start this by saying that I am not perfect. But I am happy where I am now, with my perfect imperfections.
Before I found EFT, when I was triggered, be it by an event or someone else’s behaviour, it was something that I had learned to fear. It was a totally negative experience for multiple reasons.
1) Negative feelings with fear
Being triggered was unpleasant as I was re-experiencing negative emotions and feelings which were similar to ones that I had experienced in the past, regardless of whether I consciously I remembered that event or not, my subconscious did remember.
2) Associating with shame, failure and abandonment
As a child I experienced so much negativity from my family and caregivers when I experienced negative emotions that I was led to associate negative emotions with shame, failure, being ignored and abandonment.
3) Failing my children
Then the worst part as a mother: feeling like I was failing my children and the damage I was doing to my children by not being the perfect, calm, mindful parent ALL THE TIME.
4) Not having enough tools or resources
And finally not knowing what to do about it. Feeling helpless. Yes I’ve read many blogs posts about taking deep breaths and practicing self care etc etc. and they can help manage the symptoms, but they don’t support healing the underlying cause of the trigger.
I’m going to use an example of physical pain instead of emotional pain to piece all this together. Imagine you suddenly have a sharp pain in the left side of your body. It felt like it came out of nowhere. Not only do you have the physical pain, but with it the fear of not knowing what was causing it; the fear of not knowing how to support yourself to stay safe. That fear can lead you into deeper and deeper circles of panic, thus escalating the physical pain as you tense up. Your mind is jumping …. Could I be having a heart attack? Should I call an ambulance? Am I about to die?
But what would happen if you knew you had been stung by a wasp (and you didn’t have any allergies to wasp stings)? It is still physically unpleasant but so many other layers of fear and panic of the unknown and uncertainty wouldn’t get piled on top. Most likely you’d do some simple First Aid to remove the sting, maybe take an anti-histamine and a painkiller, and then you’d relax to let your body heal. Voila. So simple.
Well having now found EFT, I feel that I am in that place of knowing both what is happening to me when I get triggered, and that some EFT work will help. The layers of fear and panic don’t arrive. I know I have tools to reach for: either doing my own EFT on myself, or reaching out to a fellow EFT Practitioner for a session. And knowing that those fellow EFT practitioners are there for me lifts that layer of shame and abandonment.
Now I have actually got to a place where I can thank that trigger (yes you read that correctly, I thank my trigger!) for showing me a place where I still need to do some more healing work with this amazing modality of EFT that has changed my life in so many ways. Mainly allowing me to remove the mask that I used to feel I had to wear and instead be comfortable and confident as myself.
And I hope that I am also role modeling to my children that we don’t have to be perfect but we can help ourselves with our perfect imperfections.
If you want to find out how my EFT Practice can support you to learn to thank your triggers by showing you where deeper healing is needed and providing the healing, then please schedule a free 20 minute phone or Skype call so I can learn more about what you want to achieve with EFT, and you can learn more about the EFT method. charlotteeft20min.youcanbook.me
Charlotte is an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Practitioner, who supports parents who are overwhelmed, stressed, and struggling so that they are able to parent with confidence and clarity. www.charlotterwatson.com